Are you content to stay where you are? 

 Stop! You’ve seen that question at least twice now. Don’t just gloss over it. Take a good, hard, honest look at it.

• Do you love the life you are living?
• Do you like the people you live with?
• Are you satisfied with the direction your life is taking?
• Do you like the person you are becoming?
• Are you living the life you’ve always dreamed of?

Was your answer “NO!” to any of those questions?

If your answer to that question is yes, keep reading! This post is for you. Most “Trauma Parents” I know would give a resounding, passionate, or perhaps even expletive “NO!” to all of those first questions. I hear statements every single day such as “I hate this! I just want my life back!”  I’ve even said those things myself! Those “no” answers really aren’t surprising, though. After all, who in their right mind would want to stay stuck in yucky, contentious, stressful, dark places?

Yet day after day, we get up and get back on the same merry-go-round that throws us into the same regurgitated versions of chaos and deeper and deeper into the black holes of life. Why? We’re all smart people. We know how it is going to turn out. So why do we keep doing it?

What’s keeping you stuck?

Have you ever asked yourself that question? That one is a little scarier, isn’t it? Let’s take a look at some of the things that keep us stuck…starting with the first answer that popped into your head as you read that question. Was your first impulse to blame your kids? How about your spouse? Did you dismiss the question because it’s too hard, too powerful, or because you’re afraid of the answer? Are you too tired to answer it? Are to too exhausted to do or be anything different? Have you resigned yourself to believing “it is what it is” and there is nothing you can do about it? Did you automatically rattle off 4,000 other reasons, people, situations, or external circumstances that are contributing to the seemingly never-ending stress and hopelessness in your life?

Rest assured that you are not alone if you did any of those things. In fact, that is exactly what most people do. It’s also why they are stuck.

Just for fun, take closer look at the title picture for this post. How do the pigs feel about their situation? There is nothing wrong with those pigs. No one is forcing them to do what they are doing. They’re not dead and nor are they drugged. They are simply content to lay there and wallow in the mud. Even though the mud is stinky, dirty, and cold, that mud it is their mud. It is familiar, predictable, and comfortable. There may well be much nicer and much more suitable accommodations just across the way in the barn, but it’s not worth the effort to get up and go there. Perhaps they put up with the mud because they know they’re not alone. Their friends are in the mud and misery loves company, right?

Now what about you?

• Has the chaos in your life become familiar and predictable and “safe”, even if it really isn’t safe at all?
• Have you given up and resigned yourself to a state of hopelessness?
• Are you too tired to move?
• Are your friends helping you or keeping you stuck?
• Do you believe you don’t deserve anything better?
• Do you know there are other alternatives?
• Do you know how to get out of the mud on your own?
• Do you really and truly want to get out of the mud…or are you content to stay where you are?

Unsticking the stuck

Again, I will ask the same question we started with… Are you content to stay who and where you are right now, right this minute?  I truly believe most of us will still answer that question with a resounding “NO!” None of us like living a life of intense stress and chaos. None of us like what it does to us or to our families. None of us want to stay here for ever.

So where does one start in order to change things? The answer to that question is actually quite simple. You start right where you are. Great changes start with one simple choice. They begin with the choice to do something about it and make those changes happen. 

Regardless of whatever chaos is going on around you…regardless of what your kids are doing…regardless of what your circumstances appear to be, you still have choices. You still have power to get up. You still have the power to create a life of peace and serenity. You definitely deserve better than being stuck in the mud!

If you have discovered that you really aren’t content to stay where you are in your life, I urge you to give the following questions some serious thought. In fact, I encourage you…and even dare you…to write out your answers to the following questions. Don’t just read over them or keep them in your head. They will get lost there. Actually physically grab some paper and a pen and write down your answers. Why? Because your journey to serenity begins with their answers.

• In what areas of life are you feeling the most stuck?

• If you could change anything in relation to your family, what would it be?

• What parts of your life are in your control and which are not?

• What can you do differently today to make a small change in your outlook or situation?

• What help do you need for you as a parent to get out of the muck, untangle the mess, regain your footing, take charge of your life, and make those changes stick for the long haul?

• Are you ready accept your answers?

• Are you ready to accept help in turning things around?

If so, I’m ready to walk the journey with you. Click here to get started!