New Year’s Pep Talk

by | Encouragement, Healing

I confess…January is one of my very favorite months of the year. The holiday season has finally been put to rest, life is slowly starting to return to its normal rhythm and pace, and its now its time to breathe, reflect, refresh, and renew.

Yet I also know this season can also be a tough time for us moms of struggling kids! While the world around us is posting all their happy “New year, New You” goals and resolutions, it can feel very discouraging when you’re stuck in a never-ending loop of negative behaviors, big feelings, and exhaustion and you know that life didn’t change just because the calendar did.

Admittedly, even though my kids are light years from where they used to be, we definitely aren’t perfect and we still have our struggles. Try as I might to like them, I still find myself staying away from many of those “sum up the decade”, “word of the year” and resolution sharing gigs simply because part of me still feels like there would be way too many 4-letter words involved and Facebook would be scared if I shared my real truth!

I’ve learned a LOT!

However, this past decade has forever changed me in ways I’ve never experienced or could ever have imagined. It started when I consciously chose healing for myself in spite of what was going on around me and regardless of how much my kids were still struggling. That was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! Not only did it breathe life and light back into my parched soul, but it ultimately resulted in healing for my entire family!

As we head into this new year and new decade, I can’t help but notice the number of moms who are drowning in the task of parenting kids affected by fetal alcohol exposure, attachment problems, and a wide array of crazy behaviors and emotional meltdowns. I felt inspired to do a live pep talk in my Facebook group yesterday for all of you discouraged moms out there. If you’re part of my group, hop on over and check out the replay. If not, you can join here! I also decided to upload that video here to share it with all my blog readers. 

I have a special place in my heart for you dear mamas. I’ve been where you are. I know how long the days are…and how short the nights are, too. I know what it means to be tired to the core of my soul and frustrated to a level that defies all words. My Facebook group isn’t a “rant about all the crazy stuff your kids are doing” group. It is a positive think tank for people who are doing their best to figure this out.  Seriously, if you’re not there yet, come join us!

The Most Important Lesson

As I mentioned, I’ve learned a LOT about mental health, trauma, RAD, FASD, ADHD and all the other “alphabet soup” disorders related to complex early childhood trauma exposure over the past decade. In fact, I’ve learned more about all of them than I ever wanted to know! If you’re raising kids who struggle with these issues, you probably have, too!

There is one important lesson I’ve learned about all of them that stands out above the rest, though. That lesson is that healing from those things doesn’t start with our kids. It starts with us moms!

Believe me, I used to bristle when I heard people say stuff like that. I was exhausted to my core, I was angry, frustrated, and on the verge of cracking…and I most certainly wasn’t the one who did this to my kids! The last thing I wanted to hear was that I needed to do more than I was already doing. The true value in the lesson, though, came with the realization that doing things differently doesn’t mean we need to do more. It means if what we are doing isn’t working, we need to do something different that will yield different and more positive results.

But there is more…

As Albert Einstein is famously credited for saying, “We can’t solve our problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Likewise, we can’t solve them using the same actions we’ve taken in the past, either. Attempting to do so is the very definition of insanity, actually…doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

If we want different results, we have to learn new things and take different actions. In the case of parenting our traumatized kids, getting to that place of lasting healing requires more than just surface action and passive learning. It requires that we dig deep, push back against the exhaustion, and do things to intentionally step out of and away from the trauma that surrounds us.

No, most of us can’t do that physically, but it is imperative that we do it emotionally!

You can do this!

Healing isn’t just a New Year’s resolution. Nor is it something that is easily made and just as easily broken. It’s a lifelong journey and a commitment, but it is absolutely worth it! Whatever it is that you find is right for you, take the step. You CAN do this!

You’re worth it. Your family is worth it…and so are your kids!

 

Come join my Facebook Group!

If you’re a mom or grandma of children who struggle with issues related to early childhood trauma, attachment problems, prenatal drug or alcohol exposure, or other mental illness, come on over and join us! Climbing Back the to Light is a positive, no venting allowed “think tank” group for those truly seeking to help their child and their family heal.

Diana
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New Year’s Pep Talk

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